recovery

i'm on the road to recovery. i had a slight breakdown, hit very near bottom but i'm (slowly) bouncing back. i have to figure out where i want to be so i can then figure out how to get there. i want stability for my sweet baby. i want him to see parents that love and support each other through hard times and good times. i dont' know if we're setting a good example or torturing each other. 7 years...how can we end like this? i simply won't accept it. my mantra has become :your enviroment should not affect your praise...even though things look dark and hopeless (well, not all the time, some times things look promising, which makes it hard when they get back to dark) this is NOT the end of this story. it's only over if we choose to throw it all away. and i won't do it. not because of the baby. not because of the history (well not exclusively lol). but because i don't think we are a mistake. i don't think we got ehre only to lose. and divorcing feels like losing. anything worth having is worth fighting (and bleeding) for. he doesn't know if we're worth it but i know we are. and since i'm the heart and the heart keeps life flowing through the body, that means that as long as i can keep pumping life, we won't die. sometimes i think it makes me stupid to feel like that. other times i think its wise because so many people will easily give up when times get tough. i love this man. even with his baggage, just like i believe he loves me even with mine. and i believe we'll get through this, even if it feels like it will take forever lol. already it hurts less although i hate that they still talk. i hate that she's waiting for him. thats not her place, it's mine and i don't know how to put her back where she should be. i guess i can't, which is what really bothers me.however, i know this isn't too big for God to handle...and he will put us all exactly where we are supposed to be. which should prolly be my mantra lol..."Lord put us all where we're supposed to be"